On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
not ubering you a puppy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
