ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
