I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
