Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
