I puked a lego.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
