i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
