You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
