what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
