Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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