So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
