if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
