thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
