I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
