he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
