There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
