i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
