She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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