So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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