What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
