If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
