I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
