if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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