I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
