dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
