His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
