Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think my fart just growled at me.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
