You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
