well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
