By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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