I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
