The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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