oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
