Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
