After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
