I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
