just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
