$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
