Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
