I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
