Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
