I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
