i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
