so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
