Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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