You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
