Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
