His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
