Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
