i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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