HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
