I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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