Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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