The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
