I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
