i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
