I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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